On the Canadian Question

As Trump once more reiterates his desire to annex Canuckistan a question arises in my mind, what should we do with Canada? Annexing it as a state (or more likely, states) of America seems unwise to me. Canucks are even more cucked than blue state (and many red state) Americans. Yet we cannot allow them to be independent either.

A solution to this quandary does exist now that I think about it. It is time to consider the full-scale vassalization of the Canucks. As for those of you who do not know what the term “vassal” means here is the basic idea.

Party A is very, very strong and party B is very, very weak. This is America and Canada in a nutshell. Party A tells party B that he is going to do what party A wants from now on. In exchange party A won’t beat the everliving shit out of party B and might even give party B a few favors (lower tariffs, military protection, etc...).

While our vassal the Canadians will mostly have domestic control of their own territory, their foreign (and immigration) policy will be decided by the USA. In this manner we may reap the benefits of annexing them without incurring the downsides of doing so.

Even if we do decide to eventually annex them we can use the period of vassalization to make them more amenable to us. We might, for example, make them get rid of their non-western immigrant populations over a period of time. With those immigrants removed they will pose less political downsides as new states of the USA.

For those of you are naively asking “and what happens if Canada doesn’t want to be vassalized” I have an answer. The Canucks don’t really have much of a choice in the matter. Their economy is so interwoven with ours that even mild tariffs are disastrous to them.

We have the power to make them an offer they cannot refuse, if one leader won’t acquiesce another will rise that will. It might take a few months of tariffs to spark the necessary upheaval but rest assured it will come to pass. America can adjust the pain dial up or down as needed, the Canuck can do nothing to stop us.

Oh and one more thing, under no circumstances should we make Quebec a state. I personally believe that the only people who should have to suffer the French are the French themselves. Send those retrograde frogs back to frogland!